How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? I asked my caddie what he thought of my game. What do golf and sex share in common? Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? Two couples were enjoying a competitive, best-ball match wives against husbands with the losers buying lunch and a libation. clubs. Mar 14, 2021 - Find the best golf humor and cartoons on this board by www.GolfBallsUnlimited.com. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots but you have to play where it lies. Bobby Jones, 23. These funny golf sayings are gathered here from all over the web so that they can serve your purpose. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. 2. You can enjoy both of them even if youre terrible at it! Hey you better be able to laugh at yourself in this game, right? Are you a Nike One Platinum ball because I'd like to see you on a T? I like big putts and I cannot lie. Golf tips are like Aspirin: One may do you good, but if you swallow the whole bottle youll be lucky to survive. Harvey Penick, 17. It is at the same time rewarding and maddening and it is without a doubt the greatest game mankind has ever invented. Arnold Palmer, 2. A dinner without wine. Another Ball in the Trees. Happiness is a long walk with a putter Greg Norman, 38. The secret of good golf is to hit the ball hard, straight, and not too often. Boo. Golf: A five-mile walk punctuated with frequent disappointments. Spread your legs a little more. Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. Clubbing. Your email address will not be published. They expect to succeed! Sam Snead. Noah golf pro who can fix your swing? THE MATERIAL ON THIS SITE MAY NOT BE REPRODUCED, DISTRIBUTED, TRANSMITTED, CACHED OR OTHERWISE USED, EXCEPT WITH THE PRIOR WRITTEN PERMISSION OF DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. 2023 DISCOVERY GOLF, INC. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED, 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes, 17 Awful (But Mostly Funny) Golf Fails from 2013, This new Top Flite commercial is sophomoric, inappropriate, and very funny. Nothing it should have ducked. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. It was a sunny Saturday morning, and Mike was beginning his pre-shot routine, visualizing his upcoming shot when a voice came over the clubhouse loudspeaker: Would the gentleman on the Ladies tee please back up to the mens tee, please!. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. From the best players to ever pick up a club to past presidents of the United States, the game of golf is the great equalizer. My drives aren't always long and straight.. but I can show you what is! You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will We collected these beautiful images with quotes about funny golf for you because we understand the value of your thoughts and feeling. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. Go to the golf course. A dirty joke is a joke that is usually considered inappropriate because of its indecent punchline. happen again! 20. Because it would interrupt their tea time. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. So what's it gonna be today, Stroke Play or Skins? On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. "I'm the best. 3. Henry Beard, If you are going to throw a club, it is important to throw it ahead of you, down the fairway, so you dont have to waste energy going back to pick it up. He was puttering around. As in, surf the web, gather knowledge, and share them. Dirty Golf Sayings. That I am sure of will make your day full of joy! Fore! "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Noah. A wife walked into the bedroom and found her husband in bed with his golf What is the difference between Rory McIlroy and Princess Diana? Henry Beard, Like clubs inside my golf bag / each verse a different face / Some to drive straight down the course / others lift and then embrace. That means if you click and purchase, I may receive a small commission. Its possible, by too much of it, to destroy the mind. What's worst than Elin Nordegren smashing your face in with a 9 iron? Jeff Foxworthy, In order to develop a golf swing, your thoughts must run in the right direction. Im the best. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. Why do golfers hate cake? And only one secret has emerged, one swing of thought that always works. If you think its hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball. Jack Lemmon, a true comedian on and off the course. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." Check it out now! Your source for the latest and greatest golf news, tips, gear reviews, and giveaways. Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. 9. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Clubbing. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. Happy Gilmore. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, "Its golf balls." Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Watch their eyes. A fan in the crowd said Mr. Because they might get a slice. Whos there? Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Show Business is just to pay the greens fees." -Bob Hope "You think so much of your old golf game that you don't even remember when we were married," said the pouting wife. Putter Around. 21. So, what are your thoughts? when we were married," said the pouting wife. And there are windmills. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. 4. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. With this in mind, here are the 10 funniest golf quotes of all time. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. The next minute youre painting the Mona Lisa.. He hauls off and whacks onebig hitter, the Lamalong, into a ten-thousand foot crevasse, right at the base of this glacier. A man and his friend meet at the clubhouse to play a round of golf together. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? A little girl was at her first golf lesson when she asked a question. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Why did Tarzan spend so much time at the golf course? Drops him off at the golf course! It was glorious when you did! You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. Just ask my ex -wives. 7. Choose What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? Wodehouse, The value of routine; trusting your swing. There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. Dave Barry, If you drink, dont drive. H. G. Wells, The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie. Oh you only have a threesome, mind if I join? He couldnt stop puttzing around! You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? Besides that, I love to explore. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. Follow These Tips on How To Handle Frustration. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." The 18 Best Golf Movies You Need To Watch In 2023, Top 14 Golf Podcasts You Should Listen To (Updated 2023), 7 Left Handed Golf Tips To Crush The Competition, 50 Side-Splitting Golf Puns & Jokes For Any Situation, Practicing Golf At Home: 10 Tricks To Improve Your Game. Golf is more complicated than that. Jennifer Wyatt, Muscular freedom is probably more important in golf than in any other sport, but very few players take the trouble to get loosened up. Nothing. We have a threesome, care to join us? As you walk down the fairway of life, you must smell the roses, for you only get to play one round. Ben Hogan, 25. I love silly, funny, nerdy, quirky jokes. Golfs a game where you shout, FOUR! and score a seven, while writing down a five. / In despair my overburdened spirit sinks / Till I wish that every golfer was in glory / And I pray the sea may overflow the links. Golf is the easiest game in the world. Your email address will not be published. For you only, all the funny golf quotes images have been created that you are going to explore now. To find a man's true character, play golf with him. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. course sometime. Try choking donw on the shaft. The little dog starts to yip and stands up on its hind legs. Save my name, email, and website in this browser for the next time I comment. Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty Full Text: Keep Calm and Go For A Run Features: Size: 9x12 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging, Full Text: Beware Of Owner ~ The Dog Features: Size: 7x7 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. Whos there? If you break 80, watch your business. Required fields are marked *. You get bad breaks from good shots, good breaks from bad shots - but you have to play where it lies." Bobby Jones 23. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. In your approach to golf, no one can tell you what to do. I have 10 sons, one more and I will have my own football team., To which the Mormon replies, You fellas aint got a clue. First and foremost, you must have confidence. If the point of golf is to hit the ball less, then do I win if I don't play at all? Whether you are watching or playing golf, everyone loves a good golf joke thats why weve rounded up these Funny Golfer Jokes that you and your friends can laugh about! Days when you just dont have it, you dont pack it in, you give it everything youve got. Lorii Myers, Perhaps more than any other sport, golf focuses pressure on the player. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Gerald Ford, I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because Id spent about half the day in the woods. There are no absolutes in golf. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Is everything okay?. Its just really hard to play. Tell me what your favorite sports game is, and I will tell you, who you are. Because her coach was a pumpkin. SO why does the golfer carry two shirts? I've got some good news. Arnold Palmer is playing in a big tournament and comes to a 235 yard par-3. Mini Golf Captions. He missed short putts because of the uproar of the butterflies in the adjoining meadows. Paul Gallico, I regard golf as an expensive way of playing marbles. The right place is right here with me, in my bed. You hit down to make the ball go up. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. Because subtraction speaks louder than words. 7. He said. Colleen Ferrari Bader, And does the man walk always so? A hole in one of a kind model. The most important shot in golf is the next one. Ben Hogan making a joke, we think, it was hard to tell with him. no! Man: Please dont go. Who do golfers pay tribute to on the 4th of July? To find a mans true character, play golf with him. P.G. The difference in golf and government is that in golf you cant improve your lie. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Without a subpoena, voluntary compliance on the part of your Internet Service Provider, or additional records from a third party, information stored or retrieved for this purpose alone cannot usually be used to identify you. How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? At the golf corpse! Discover and share Dirty Quotes For Women Golfers. Apparently, you cant get out of here with a seven. Go Premium to get full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! I stepped on a rake. You look like you'd be a great ball-washer. Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. Which pro golfers can jump higher than the flag? There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. Why did the blonde golfing pro cheat on his wife? nay I my child, and eke, oh! Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. The grass is clean, a lawn laundry that wipes away the mud, the insect, the bramble, nettle, and thistle, an Eezy-wipe lawn where nothing of life, dirty and glorious, remains. How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? "Gunga galunga gunga, gunga-galunga." Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Bob Bruce One of the advantages bowling has over golf is that you seldom lose a bowling ball. Such is the game. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? / It is a gait he only knows / When he has on his golfing clothes. Whats one tip all golfers should follow to improve their game? The Dalai Lama himself. A man without a woman is like a pistol without a trigger; it is the woman who makes the man go off. Please add a link to this site. Would you mind being treated like a green that I'm 140 yards away from, holding my pitching wedge with very little wind in any direction? 8. You either need to learn to drink or take up golf. Turns out Im not a good scotch drinker. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Steve Alten, Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Like a PGA Tour pro once said to his pro-am partners, youre not good enough to get angry. So dont even try it. She can only show you her dirty secrets in private, only with you. Many of them contain words and phrases that are unable to grace this slideshow. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? I give him the driver. As he approached the threesome, he said Hey guys, do you mind if I play through. Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? I like big putts and I cannot lie. I was actually enjoying it. 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. ~ Victor Hugo. The man who can go into a patch of rough alone, with the knowledge that only God is watching him, and play his ball where it lies, is the man who will serve you faithfully and well. 3. Peter Jacobson, 33. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. Jack Lemmon, There are many things you can successfully fake in businessbut a good golf swing isnt one of them. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. After his practice round he noticed a beautiful young woman by the clubhouse. How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? You must remember not to remember to think. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Why was Cinderella such a poor golfer? How can you tell which golfer is a womanizer? The man has a little dog with him and on the first green, when the man holes out a 20 foot putt. The mark of a great player is in his ability to come back. I had a hole in nothing. 8. Just tap it in. Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. Do you know why the game is called golf? I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. All the fans are gone! We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Youve got to loosen your girdle and really let the ball have it. Babe Didrikson Zaharias, 43. They have a hard drive. Because he walked into the wrong club! 6. I am a Musician. How you handle failure determines how successful you will be. Muffet McGraw, 26. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I Golf is a game in which you yell fore, shoot six, and write down five. Paul Harvey calling every golfer out. Fantastic 4-some. This position should feel sort of unnatural and should permit you to hook the ball without altering your golf swing. "Golf is like a love affair. The brush is quite thick, but he searches diligently and suddenly he spots something shiny. "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". Golf is a game where the ball lies like crap, but the player lies like a pro. Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. If we . Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. Do you share these funny golf jokes? Chip Shot. I play Bass. Therefore weve combined it together and compiled these hilarious Golf Jokes for Seniors that Im sure youll like. Golfing Quotes "Golf is like chasing a quinine pill around a -- Winston Churchill "Give me the fresh air, a beautiful partner, and a nice round of golf and you can keep the fresh air and the -- Jack Benny "You can make a lot of money in this game. Finally, after many such glances from her, he said, Its golf balls., The blond looked at him compassionately and said: Oh you poor thing. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? Why dont skeletons play golf? In case he gets a hole in one. Trust is one of the most important qualities in the game of golf. One minute youre bleeding. The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. P. G. Wodehouse, The difference between a good golf shot and a bad one is the same as the difference between a beautiful and a plain woman a matter of millimeters. I'm known on the tour for having a lengthy club. Sir W.G. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag. Here, have a carrot! In case they get a hole-in-one! Damn, my shaft's all bent. Get in the hole! Pick your favorite one from more than 86 quotes about funny golf with images and use it wherever you like. You grind it out. Tiger Woods, 54. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Ian Fleming, I drove a golf ball into the air / It fell to earth, I knew not where / For, so swiftly it flew, the sight / Could not follow it in its flight. Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? Ahole in oneis amazing when you think of the different universes this white mass of molecules has to pass through on its way to the hole. Well have whatever Mac OGrady is smoking. So, I'm on the first tee with him. A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. The Jew, bragging about his virility said, I have four sons, one more and I will have a basketball team!, The Catholic pooh-poohs that accomplishment, stating, That is nothing actually. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". "While playing golf today I hit two good balls. They have been there where we are standing now. If there has been one fundamental reason for my success, this is it. Gene Sarazen, 22. When is it too wet to play golf? With trust, it feels like you and your golf club are partners dancing as one. The end. You've got the nicest boobs I've seen outside a PGA Tour locker room. Jim Murray. "Damn, my shaft is all bent." After 18 holes I can barely walk. Golf?! You're like an ugly dog-leg, but I'd still like to tee off. I love you and I want you to stay with me., Woman: You dont understandIm a hooker., Man: That is no problem, darlin, you probably just have too strong a grip.. Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. had to choose, right ? Most Funny Golf Quotes about Daylight by Ben Hogan Funny Dirty Golf Pictures With Quotes. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? And I say, "Hey, Lama, hey, how about a little something, you know, for the effort, you know?" To provide the best experiences, we use technologies like cookies to store and/or access device information. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. How many strokes was that? Joey Adams, It takes exactly eighteen shots tae polish off a fifth o a bottle o Scotch, thus, a game o golf equates tae eighteen holes. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Sawdust City LLC. What do you call a lion playing golf? How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Fore-get Me Nots. If you drink, dont drive. I did it in one afternoon on the golf course." What's the difference between a golf ball and a car? William Topaz McGonagall, Golf epitomizes the tame world. Basketball is a sport for black men. See more ideas about golf quotes, golf, golf humor. Ellis Parker Butler, When we watch pro golfers, we expect them to play well, to make the shots we know we cant, and to be entertaining. Golf is deceptively simple and endlessly complicated; it satisfies the soul and frustrates the intellect. I have a tip that can take five strokes off anyones game: its called an eraser. Arnold Palmer, the King of golf and comedy apparently. Funny Golf Quotes and Sayings. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. Always keep learning. Jack Benny. A good golfer has the determination to win and the patience to wait for the breaks. Gary Player, 53. Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. Explore our collection of motivational and famous quotes by authors you know and love. I give the ball some sweet talk. If you continue to use this site we will assume that you are happy with it. All he knows how to play with is Clubs! "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. A great golf course both frees and challenges a golfers mind. Tom Watson, 7. 5. Have a look at these best picture quotes of funny golf. Diller's comment is a great take on a bit of traditional golf advice. The blonde kept looking quizzically at him and his obviously bulging pants. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. Everyday I'm Schauffele. George Deukmejian waxing prophetic. Hey babycan you suck a golf ball through 50 feet of garden hose? What should you do if you're golfing near lightning? Not consenting or withdrawing consent, may adversely affect certain features and functions. Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by the occasional miracle. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. Please add a link to this article. - Bobby Jones Golf puts a mans character on the anvil and his richest qualitiespatience, poise, restraintto the flame. Billy Casper, 16. Instead, here's a great clip of Chi Chi talking about ladies he sees golfing. Having Fun since 2020 Jokes Quotes Factory Have a carrot! The friend is quite amazed: That dog is really talented! Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. Enjoy the game, enjoy these best golf jokes. How far do you hit it? said Palmer. You need to adjust your grip. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. How do you know you should be a golfer? Enjoy! I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. Two men were playing a round golf, one of the men was just about to make his golf swing when he noticed a large funeral group passing by on a nearby road. Does a bear crap in the woods? Answer: Roarin Mcilroy. Two rounds a day are plenty. Excuse me, Miss, are you looking for the fairway? Jan 1, 2016 - Explore Uwharrie Point | Golf Communit's board "Golf Quotes", followed by 482 people on Pinterest. An interesting thing about golf is that no matter how badly you play, it's always possible to get worse. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? Wodehouse Is that my golf bag in your pants because I just finished a long drive and I'd like to put my wood in it? Knock, knock J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul.
